A few months ago I actually started a post talking about negativity, but I trashed it. Recently though a couple conversations with a friend has triggered some of my thoughts on this topic again.

One thing about me is that I like to stay up late at night. And not my friends’ version of staying up where they go to sleep at like 1AM. I can stay up until the sun rises and I’d be okay. I don’t do that as often anymore, but from time to time, I would find myself still awake as the sun starts reappearing. I think if you pay attention, you’d notice a lot of people who stay up this late often think a lot at night. That’s something I like about being up late at night when everybody else should be asleep. It’s nothing like waking up early in the morning. And I think many people don’t understand that. They’ll say, “Just sleep earlier and wake up earlier so you have more hours in a day to do things.”

Those people just don’t understand the feeling you get when you’re up in the middle of the night thinking. In the morning when you’re up early, it is like you’re pumped to get stuff done and do things. Everyone and everything is awake and ready for this new day to start. At night? At night is when you finally get that peace of mind. No one is there to bother you. You can finally hear yourself think, and personally, I think the true you comes out at night time. I love staying up late to talk to people because that’s when serious topics appear. It’s almost like it’s okay to let out your deep, dark secrets or let your mind run free without being judged. Sometimes it makes a person more daring and the most hilarious conversations end up being had at night when you’re not so concerned with what you say. The night is like alcohol making you get drunk on it and experience its effects.

It also brings out really negative thoughts when you have so much time to yourself to think. My comment about your true self appearing at night? That true self might be this really negative self or a self that’s actually naturally sad. There’s no need to put up a mask, constantly trying to fulfill that need to satisfy others. If you have Tumblr, you might notice that all the people who are depressed start posting things late at night and it makes me uncomfortable to scroll through it. I don’t look down on them because I’ve been in that place before. It doesn’t stop me from wishing they’d stop though. Why? I think sometimes people don’t realize how much they’re hurting themselves when they constantly surround themselves with so much negativity.

We all complain about things, it’s in our nature. We complain about work, about school, about friends, etc. There’s always something to complain about. That’s fine, you know? I don’t mind when someone is complaining about something that really irritates them. Obviously it’s different if that person is whining about every little thing in life, but that’s a whole different story. What does bother me though is when people start being negative towards themselves. I’ve been there, I’ve done that. And you know what? No one can save you, but yourself.

At night people start to look back on their own actions. They pick themselves apart until they’re left with this piece of themselves that they hate. I hate seeing people post pictures of cutting or death/suicide-related pictures. I hate seeing these text posts where they talk about how they’re useless and amount to nothing and how they mean nothing to anybody. How do you know? Have you tried to be more? If you keep putting yourself down like that, how is anybody allowed to see the you that is more than that? How do you know that you don’t already mean something to somebody?

I don’t want people to think that I’m speaking out of my own ass about this topic. I’ve been in that dark place before in my life, but something I’ve learned is that you have to make yourself happy. You have to believe you’re something more in order for people to believe you are too. No one can say a magic word to make everything go away. Life isn’t a fairytale. I don’t believe that everyone is naturally happy all the time. But can we prevent ourselves from thinking so negatively all the time? Yeah I think we can.

Do you feel like the friends you have don’t really care about you? Do you feel like the friendship is superficial? Do you feel like if you died the next day, they wouldn’t even care or maybe just pretend to care? Maybe you need new friends. There are so many people out there, why do you limit yourself to people that you feel doesn’t benefit you in anyway? I’m not saying you should use them, but there are people out there that will actually care about you. If the people around you have a negative effect on you and others around them, let them go. Sometimes life just brings people together almost like fate, but sometimes you also have the choice to not befriend people whom you think will not affect your life positively. By keeping people around you that only bring you down, you’re preventing life from giving you people who are willing to do the opposite.

I’m not the best friend in the world. I have a lot of faults of my own, but I always aim to be someone my friends can rely on. I never want to see my friends suffer and if there was any way I could help them, I would. I would hope that my friends know that in times of trouble, they can lean on me. I would hope they never think that they’re not worth anything to anyone because my friends mean a lot to me. I think any real friend would have the same thoughts. I think it’s selfish when a person thinks they don’t mean anything to anyone because you’re basically brushing off the feelings of the people around you. Your life isn’t just solely yours, you’re a part of someone else’s life too.

One of the biggest things that brought me down and changed me a lot as a person was school and marks. I can’t tell everyone to just not be affected by marks because no matter what it will affect us, right? The thing is, sometimes we set unrealistic goals for ourselves. Sure, aiming for 100% is great! We should all strive to do good and achieve the best we can. Should we beat ourselves up though for not getting 100% or a 4.0 GPA? No, we really shouldn’t. I remember when a friend questioned if I really even care about my school stuff because I don’t seem like I do. I care. In fact, I cared way too much for my own good.

I cared to the point where I was afraid of failure before I even tried. It kept me up all night and as soon as I woke up it would be on my mind again. I realized in the end that maybe I shouldn’t let myself believe that one bad mark will ruin my entire life. Do you let yourself believe that it will be a gigantic domino effect? Set up short-term goals instead. Only think about doing good on this upcoming test. Don’t let your mind wander into thinking any further just yet. If you did good on it afterwards, let yourself enjoy that moment and let it sink in. If you did bad, there will be more tests and more assignments to help you recover.

A friend talked about how they don’t know where they see themselves in 20 years. Why do you need to do that right now? I won’t deny the fact that sometimes I think about it too, but nowadays I try not to let those sort of thoughts consume me. It’s good to have a general guideline of what you want to achieve and do with your life. It’s bad to think that you’re running out of time or that you didn’t achieve such and such already by the age of xx, and as such you’re a failure. Life doesn’t run on your time nor does it follow your plans and rules. Just work hard and things will fall into place, you know?

Another thing that people are really negative about is their love life. All over Tumblr you see people talk about how they crave for someone to love them. I think a lot of them are young girls and boys who don’t understand one important factor to all of this though. You know the cliche ‘you have to learn to love yourself before expecting anyone else to love you’? It’s kind of true. I think too many people are trying to find a way to feel accepted and loved through someone else. They think that by finding a boyfriend or girlfriend they’ll magically become happy. I once thought that too, but trust me, you won’t.

They can be your crutch, but if you constantly hate on yourself you’ll still be blind to the love they’re giving you. Even if they believe you’re the most beautiful person on earth and that you’ll achieve great things in life, you won’t believe it. You’ll just hear it, but never actually believe in their words and actions. Doing so, I think will make someone bitter at the end. The negative person will believe that they don’t deserve all that love or that the other person is lying.

It’s not easy to be positive, but the only way to get yourself out of that negativity is to force yourself to be positive. You can’t let yourself succumb to all those dark thoughts all the time because you’re only hurting yourself. It’s like you’re attaching more and more rocks to yourself each time you have those negative thoughts and then you throw yourself into the water, but expect to be floating. It’s impossible, right? If you’re susceptible to negative thoughts at night, maybe you should try and change that habit. Of course, the most obvious way would be to just sleep earlier to avoid those thoughts. How about thinking about the good things that have happened that day instead if you like staying up? No matter how bad your day is, I’m sure there must’ve been one good thing that happened too.

Anywhooo, I think I’m starting to ramble so…. /abrupt end to post.

PS. I started this entry at the end of June LOL!! ::nervous::

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