Negativity

A few months ago I actually started a post talking about negativity, but I trashed it. Recently though a couple conversations with a friend has triggered some of my thoughts on this topic again.

One thing about me is that I like to stay up late at night. And not my friends’ version of staying up where they go to sleep at like 1AM. I can stay up until the sun rises and I’d be okay. I don’t do that as often anymore, but from time to time, I would find myself still awake as the sun starts reappearing. I think if you pay attention, you’d notice a lot of people who stay up this late often think a lot at night. That’s something I like about being up late at night when everybody else should be asleep. It’s nothing like waking up early in the morning. And I think many people don’t understand that. They’ll say, “Just sleep earlier and wake up earlier so you have more hours in a day to do things.”

Those people just don’t understand the feeling you get when you’re up in the middle of the night thinking. In the morning when you’re up early, it is like you’re pumped to get stuff done and do things. Everyone and everything is awake and ready for this new day to start. At night? At night is when you finally get that peace of mind. No one is there to bother you. You can finally hear yourself think, and personally, I think the true you comes out at night time. I love staying up late to talk to people because that’s when serious topics appear. It’s almost like it’s okay to let out your deep, dark secrets or let your mind run free without being judged. Sometimes it makes a person more daring and the most hilarious conversations end up being had at night when you’re not so concerned with what you say. The night is like alcohol making you get drunk on it and experience its effects.

It also brings out really negative thoughts when you have so much time to yourself to think. My comment about your true self appearing at night? That true self might be this really negative self or a self that’s actually naturally sad. There’s no need to put up a mask, constantly trying to fulfill that need to satisfy others. If you have Tumblr, you might notice that all the people who are depressed start posting things late at night and it makes me uncomfortable to scroll through it. I don’t look down on them because I’ve been in that place before. It doesn’t stop me from wishing they’d stop though. Why? I think sometimes people don’t realize how much they’re hurting themselves when they constantly surround themselves with so much negativity.

We all complain about things, it’s in our nature. We complain about work, about school, about friends, etc. There’s always something to complain about. That’s fine, you know? I don’t mind when someone is complaining about something that really irritates them. Obviously it’s different if that person is whining about every little thing in life, but that’s a whole different story. What does bother me though is when people start being negative towards themselves. I’ve been there, I’ve done that. And you know what? No one can save you, but yourself.

At night people start to look back on their own actions. They pick themselves apart until they’re left with this piece of themselves that they hate. I hate seeing people post pictures of cutting or death/suicide-related pictures. I hate seeing these text posts where they talk about how they’re useless and amount to nothing and how they mean nothing to anybody. How do you know? Have you tried to be more? If you keep putting yourself down like that, how is anybody allowed to see the you that is more than that? How do you know that you don’t already mean something to somebody?

I don’t want people to think that I’m speaking out of my own ass about this topic. I’ve been in that dark place before in my life, but something I’ve learned is that you have to make yourself happy. You have to believe you’re something more in order for people to believe you are too. No one can say a magic word to make everything go away. Life isn’t a fairytale. I don’t believe that everyone is naturally happy all the time. But can we prevent ourselves from thinking so negatively all the time? Yeah I think we can.

Do you feel like the friends you have don’t really care about you? Do you feel like the friendship is superficial? Do you feel like if you died the next day, they wouldn’t even care or maybe just pretend to care? Maybe you need new friends. There are so many people out there, why do you limit yourself to people that you feel doesn’t benefit you in anyway? I’m not saying you should use them, but there are people out there that will actually care about you. If the people around you have a negative effect on you and others around them, let them go. Sometimes life just brings people together almost like fate, but sometimes you also have the choice to not befriend people whom you think will not affect your life positively. By keeping people around you that only bring you down, you’re preventing life from giving you people who are willing to do the opposite.

I’m not the best friend in the world. I have a lot of faults of my own, but I always aim to be someone my friends can rely on. I never want to see my friends suffer and if there was any way I could help them, I would. I would hope that my friends know that in times of trouble, they can lean on me. I would hope they never think that they’re not worth anything to anyone because my friends mean a lot to me. I think any real friend would have the same thoughts. I think it’s selfish when a person thinks they don’t mean anything to anyone because you’re basically brushing off the feelings of the people around you. Your life isn’t just solely yours, you’re a part of someone else’s life too.

One of the biggest things that brought me down and changed me a lot as a person was school and marks. I can’t tell everyone to just not be affected by marks because no matter what it will affect us, right? The thing is, sometimes we set unrealistic goals for ourselves. Sure, aiming for 100% is great! We should all strive to do good and achieve the best we can. Should we beat ourselves up though for not getting 100% or a 4.0 GPA? No, we really shouldn’t. I remember when a friend questioned if I really even care about my school stuff because I don’t seem like I do. I care. In fact, I cared way too much for my own good.

I cared to the point where I was afraid of failure before I even tried. It kept me up all night and as soon as I woke up it would be on my mind again. I realized in the end that maybe I shouldn’t let myself believe that one bad mark will ruin my entire life. Do you let yourself believe that it will be a gigantic domino effect? Set up short-term goals instead. Only think about doing good on this upcoming test. Don’t let your mind wander into thinking any further just yet. If you did good on it afterwards, let yourself enjoy that moment and let it sink in. If you did bad, there will be more tests and more assignments to help you recover.

A friend talked about how they don’t know where they see themselves in 20 years. Why do you need to do that right now? I won’t deny the fact that sometimes I think about it too, but nowadays I try not to let those sort of thoughts consume me. It’s good to have a general guideline of what you want to achieve and do with your life. It’s bad to think that you’re running out of time or that you didn’t achieve such and such already by the age of xx, and as such you’re a failure. Life doesn’t run on your time nor does it follow your plans and rules. Just work hard and things will fall into place, you know?

Another thing that people are really negative about is their love life. All over Tumblr you see people talk about how they crave for someone to love them. I think a lot of them are young girls and boys who don’t understand one important factor to all of this though. You know the cliche ‘you have to learn to love yourself before expecting anyone else to love you’? It’s kind of true. I think too many people are trying to find a way to feel accepted and loved through someone else. They think that by finding a boyfriend or girlfriend they’ll magically become happy. I once thought that too, but trust me, you won’t.

They can be your crutch, but if you constantly hate on yourself you’ll still be blind to the love they’re giving you. Even if they believe you’re the most beautiful person on earth and that you’ll achieve great things in life, you won’t believe it. You’ll just hear it, but never actually believe in their words and actions. Doing so, I think will make someone bitter at the end. The negative person will believe that they don’t deserve all that love or that the other person is lying.

It’s not easy to be positive, but the only way to get yourself out of that negativity is to force yourself to be positive. You can’t let yourself succumb to all those dark thoughts all the time because you’re only hurting yourself. It’s like you’re attaching more and more rocks to yourself each time you have those negative thoughts and then you throw yourself into the water, but expect to be floating. It’s impossible, right? If you’re susceptible to negative thoughts at night, maybe you should try and change that habit. Of course, the most obvious way would be to just sleep earlier to avoid those thoughts. How about thinking about the good things that have happened that day instead if you like staying up? No matter how bad your day is, I’m sure there must’ve been one good thing that happened too.

Anywhooo, I think I’m starting to ramble so…. /abrupt end to post.

PS. I started this entry at the end of June LOL!! ::nervous::

Aritzia S/S 2013 Haul

Aritzia had a private sale just recently so I grabbed some stuff. I wasn’t really supposed to spend, but a sale is hard to pass up sometimes LOL. I mostly grabbed tank tops because I felt like I was really lacking in that department. I have a lot of basics for layering, but I don’t really have much that I like wearing by itself.


La Notte // Vitti Tank (Biker Design) [White & Black]
An Aritzia exclusive. Made from soft cotton jersey, this relaxed, low-armhole graphic tank is screen-printed with a custom, hand-drawn biker design

I actually bought these two before the sale started. I couldn’t pick which colour so I ended up just getting both LOL! I’ve really been into skulls on tanks, scarves, etc. Plus I’m really lacking in graphic tees and tanks so I decided to grab this one. The length is quite long, but I prefer them to be a bit long. If you wear short shorts it might cover your shorts. I usually wear mine with the front tucked in which leaves the back at the original length. I liked that it had a dropped armhole because I’ve really been liking my bandeau showing underneath. Or you can show off your nice, lacy bra, but I prefer to wear a bandeau underneath haha!


Wilfred Free / Aramis Tank [Heather White/Heather Ash & Heather Ash/Black]
Designed with a racerback silhouette, this tank is made with textured cotton-blend jersey and finished with twisted flat-lock side seams and a curved hem.

Yes.. I couldn’t pick which color I wanted again LOL! Don’t judge. I liked how airy they looked coupled with the draped bottom. Perfect for summer. The thinner straps for the racerback was also nice. I feel like it’s more flattering than really thick straps. They kind of just flow on the body instead of bringing attention to broad shoulders. Again the length is pretty long which I prefer, but it might hide your shorts depending on the length. This one also has dropped armholes to show off your bandeau. I think if you’re going on vacation or just going to the beach if you live near one, it’d look pretty cute over your bikini as a coverup. You can have your bikini peaking through. The contrasting outline is what made me really like this tank top though. Brings life to an otherwise plain tank top.


La Notte // Vitti Tank (Victorian-inspired Skull) [White]
An Aritzia exclusive. Made from soft cotton jersey, this relaxed, low-armhole graphic tank is screenprinted with a custom-designed, Victorian-inspired skull graphic.

Same as the two Vitti Tanks above, but with a different graphic design printed. Actually, I’m quite in love with the graphic on this tank and I couldn’t decide which color I wanted. But I was like, “No, I can’t buy both again. I need to exercise a little bit of self-control.” I was going to ask my friend for her opinion, but she’s such a fast shopper. She was already out of the fitting room by the time I put on the first top probably LOL. What do you guys think? Should I have bought the black one instead?

TNA // Waco Shorts [Dark Indigo]
Made from a premium rope-dyed denim fabric that is custom distressed, these super-short shorts are designed with five-pocket denim detailing and finished with a rolled, raw-cut cuff.

I actually don’t have any dark shorts for the summer, save for one pair. As I was heading to the fitting room I saw this, so I decided why not try it? I tried it on and it seemed good. I was looking at the mirror from far away because there were so many ladies sitting in the waiting area. Does anybody else hate that there’s no mirror inside the room? I really hate how they have a huge mirror and you have to come out and share with everyone else. It wouldn’t be so bad if the changing area isn’t in plain view for everyone in the store. I know it’s to prevent theft, but seriously? What if I wasn’t wearing something right because I can’t see without a mirror and my boobs are showing or something and I step out?

Anyway, because of that, I was looking at myself from far away. I didn’t notice how short it actually was LOL. I bought it and I came home and noticed it actually said micro-shorts. Whoa LOL! I never buy shorts that can be considered micro-shorts (at least I hope not?). It’s not too bad because I have an Asian ass (read: no butt) so I’m not really flashing the world or anything. If you do have an ass though, try it out before you buy this. I can probably guarantee that your cheeks will be showing. I know some girls don’t mind that, but if you were thinking of wearing it around casually everywhere, I think you should go for their other shorts instead. Other than that though, they’re very comfortable.


Talula // Noho Bustier [Oak/Limelight]
This bustier tank is made with a super stretchy cotton fabric to ensure it fits in all the right places and printed with a vintage-inspired floral print.

The thing about bustiers like these is the fact that they show everything. I bought one in a nice periwinkle colour back in February and since it’s a semi-light solid colour, if I eat a lot, you would be able to see my belly LOL. Since this one has a floral pattern I think it helps camouflage that LOL. It does a great job at giving a nice cleavage especially if you wear a push-up bra underneath. Not exactly the most comfortable top to wear for long periods of time, but hey! If you want to look pretty for someone or want something to wear for a night out, maybe try this one out. Looks cute with shorts, skirts, jeans, anything!

Talula // Trooper Jacket [Black]
This hooded army jacket was treated to a special wash and dye process to break it in and give it the washed-down feel of a vintage piece. The jacket can be cinched at the waist and the sleeves have adjustable tabs to tighten the arm openings.

Originally I was going to get one of the green ones for a more military-inspired look. I tried them on and they look a bit weird on me. I didn’t really want to get a black jacket since I already have one in black, but it ended up looking the best so I just got a black one anyway. When I was looking at the sizes I was thinking, “Holy crap, XXXS?! Who is going to wear an XXXS?!” Me, that’s who LOL! These jackets are really oversized! Usually I buy XS for clothes. If it’s boyfriend fit or oversized, I would get XXS at Aritzia even if they’re meant to be oversized. For petite girls, getting things that are too oversized makes it look like we’re wearing a potato sack.

It comes with a hood which comes in handy when it gets really windy or it starts raining. As mentioned in their description, the waist can be cinched. This helps show off your figure instead of making us look like a box. You can also adjust the bottom of the jacket too. Sleeves are adjustable. There are plenty of pockets too. I really dislike when things don’t have pockets. At least jackets usually have pockets -whew-.

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I bought 3 pairs of leggings too, but I didn’t take pictures of them. Don’t think I really need to show you pictures of leggings, right? LOL. I bought two pairs from TNA and one from Talula to see if there’s much of a difference. The TNA ones I think had 3 snipping guides so that you can pick which length you wanted. You can cut it at the length you want without hem unraveling.