Boundaries

Bestie and I were talking about something the other day and it somehow led to this topic. As always when friends get into a chat they somehow branch off into many different topics. So this time we got to wondering, what would your opinion be on your best friend and your ex being friends? I’m just going to use a girl in my examples instead of having to type his/hers, she/he, etc.

On one hand one might want her best friend to get along with her boyfriend so it wouldn’t be awkward if the three of them hung out. On the other hand, what if they got too close for your liking? What happens once the couple breaks up? Of course, everything probably depends mostly on the situation, but what’s your overall opinion on your best friend and your boyfriend being friends and what about afterwards if you two broke up?

Personally I would love it if my best friends love my boyfriend. Not like, “I love him so much I want him, bitch,” but more like a, “Yeah he’s fun to hang out with I don’t mind hanging with the two of you.” I feel like when the best friend and boyfriend aren’t friends, it kind of creates a barrier. One of them would feel like you’re not spending enough time with them because you’ll probably end up spending your free time with the other. It’s either that or if you choose to hang with both, one feels a bit awkward or left out. On top of that I feel like the best friend would never fully approve of the boyfriend and my best friend’s opinion matters a lot to me.

So when would it be over the line? I think if my best friend starts to call my boyfriend to meet up for shopping or movies, I would start to think it’s a bit shady. Just because from personal experiences if they get too buddy-buddy they might start talking crap behind your back (or worse, develop feelings for each other). The only times I would take it as an exception is when the best friend calls up the boyfriend to plan a surprise party… or she helps him pick out an engagement ring for you or something haha!! But things like that, you know? I think even them having coffee together or something would be okay.

What if they became good friends and then you and your boyfriend broke up? Do you expect your friend to also stop being friends with him? For me, I get a little confused about that part. Of course, you would want to be loyal to your best friend and in order to do that you have to be “on her side”. What if they were really good friends though? Do you see that as an alarm bell going off? Would you be scared that something more would come from that? The reason why I’m a little iffy about that part is because I would feel bad if I made my best friend break off a good friendship because “I said so” but I think if the break up was really bad I would expect that my best friend would see that guy was an asshole and not be friends with him. So I guess it really depends on how the couple broke up?

Even if the best friend and ex were to stay as friends I think the best friend should be sensitive enough to know that she should at least give it some time before she continues being friends with that guy. I believe that whether or not it was an amicable breakup, there will still be feelings between them and it’s still a touchy thing to approach. How do you see it? Would you let your best friend be friends with him if you guys broke off on good terms?

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *