I think after talking to my uncle about his relationship and his divorce from my aunt, it has solidified my thoughts about relationships – I mean any sort of relationship.
Trust will always, always be the base of any relationship. Unless you only plan to know the person on the most superficial level, of course. Personally, trust usually comes naturally for me when I first meet a person. I give them a clean slate. Not to say that I would blurt out all my personal information at the first meeting, but I wouldn’t offhandedly think they’re someone I can’t trust. For some you have to work to get that trust. However, it’s one of those things that can easily be broken and will take extremely long to gain back.
Each time we let someone break it, we try to glue it back. Yet it will never be the same. It not only hurts your relationship with that person, but it also hurts you. Constantly, you’d be wondering when they will hurt you again. You will never be able to let your mind rest. Whether you’re suspicious of someone cheating or you’re scared a friend is going to back stab you, it will start to affect your body, mind, and spirit. How could you live a happy life with someone like that?
One of the things I learned and I always try keep in mind, is to learn to let go. I don’t mean the memories, but the person. It seems cold sometimes because if I don’t like someone, they will completely drop from my life. I will not approach them to make small talk, if they talk to me I’ll be civil and answer. If I had a deeper relationship I would need time, but ultimately, they will just be another face.
The reason why I tell myself to learn to let go is because I think deep down, the other person will never change. Either it’s who they are (it’s inherent) or it’s how they’re raised. The person was probably taught from a young age to be who they are now and so it will stay with them forever. Placing your hopes on them to change just means you’re asking to get hurt. And I’m not talking about smaller things like someone trying to quit smoking or whatever. If a person doesn’t treat you with respect, no matter what they tell you, they will probably keep on treating you the way they do.
My aunt and my uncle argued all the time when they were dating. The subject of breaking up was brought up countless times, but it never happened. There was a bigger, more important, reason as to why my uncle never broke up with her and even married her, but that’s too personal for me to reveal on a public post. The main point though is that the arguing never stopped even after they married and before they knew it 10+ years passed by and nothing changed. Things just got more difficult after they had kids and they had to take into account what’s best for the kids too. Stay together or break apart?
I’m glad that after some events that unraveled though, they finally took the initiative to break apart. It’s what they should’ve done since their dating period. The sentence that set it all off finally was when she said “Why did you drag me along with you for 10+ years?” Although I truly don’t believe it’s his fault, the sentence affected him a lot. That’s what others should be thinking though. Is this relationship worth it down the road? If not why keep it going for so long? What do you think is going to happen 10 years down the road? Let me tell you, it’s not going to be much different if your trust has already been shattered one too many times.
So whether it’s a boyfriend/girlfriend, wife/husband or friend, you have to realize that even if you love that person to death and want to make things work, you have to see things more clearly. Is your relationship really benefiting the both of you? After your talks with each other when you tell each other what’s going on and you hope for the change in the other person, have they really been making an effort to change? Or do they just end up doing the same thing anyway?
Too many times I had to find out that my close friend was telling the biggest bullshits ever. Too many times I find myself getting backstabbed. Have you reached the point where even a sorry can’t save them anymore because somewhere soon down the road they will do the same thing yet again? Don’t let it reach 10 years before you realize how toxic someone is to your life and wake up.. There will definitely be a better person out there that wants to walk into your life if you would only open up that door to them. A person that treats you like crap is always replaceable no matter how important you may think they are..